So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
