Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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