and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
