woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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