Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
