does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
my poor anus
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
