he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
