There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
