You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She told me I should be a condom model.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
