his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
