Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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