quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
