At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
