I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
