Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
