ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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