There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize