I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
