My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My cat gives me a boner
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
