would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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