I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
