On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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