I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
