i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
