Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
