Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize