I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize