Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
