I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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