Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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