It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I have post one night stand depression
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
