bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
