is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
