I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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