Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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