I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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