everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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