I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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