yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
