I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
