I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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