im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
