he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The air was thick with penises
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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