part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
