Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
