Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
