I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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