I wish I could teleport
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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