Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i think i have two assholes
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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