How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
