wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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