There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
