Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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