go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize