Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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