Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
