i need an iv and a liver transplant
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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