No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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