Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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