my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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