I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
