I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
