It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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