My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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