my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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