youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We got so high we made milksteak
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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