You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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