I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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