i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I cannot find my penis.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
