i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She's the barista slut.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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