went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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