Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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