Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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