Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
