official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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